President Biden Puts Florida Up for Sale

President Joe Biden has decided that the state of Florida is no longer worth the trouble. "Sometimes you realize you just have to cut bait," said the president. "I just didn't know what we could do about it. Then, last Sunday, I was watching cartoons with my grandson. A Bugs Bunny comes on and at some point Bugs takes a big saw and cuts Florida loose. That's when it hits me; maybe we can't cut Florida off the continent, but I bet we could get some other country to take it off our hands."

There is precedent for countries to buy and sell territories. Although his offer was not accepted, former president President Trump tried to buy Greenland from Denmark. The United States purchased the entire middle of the country from France with the Louisiana Purchase. In 1867, Russia sold Alaska to the U.S. for $7.2 million. So the idea of selling Florida to another nation is not all that strange.

The Biden administration is actively seeking buyers. They have already received offers from Russia and China to purchase the state, but those were rejected for national security reasons. Currently the front runners are South Korea and Japan. Both nations believe that having part of  their country so close to the United States would be a great advantage for trade. A spokesperson for Japan says that if their trillion dollar offer is accepted, they will  tear down most of the state and rebuild. They feel the only thing worth keeping is Disney World. The offer from South Korea is slightly lower than Japan's. They say that if they are able to purchase Florida, they will primarily use it for vacations and as a place to store their stuff. 

One surprising offer came from the United Arab Emirates. "They are interested in purchasing Florida to turn it into Dubai West," said President Biden. "What makes their offer attractive is that they are willing to take Texas off our hands in addition to Florida. I have to admit, that's pretty tempting. Right now, though, we're still reviewing all options."

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis objects to the President's plan. "We are a sovereign state and we have no intention of seceding. We are still the greatest state in America and that will not change!"

President Biden responded to DeSantis' comments, saying "Blah! Blah! Blah! I'd like to know in what way Florida is the greatest state? The only thing they're great at is being a nuisance. And this isn't a secession; it's an expulsion. DeSantis and his state are going to be someone else's problem."

The administration hopes to have a deal in place by the end of the year with the formal transfer taking place in 2022. Until then the president says Florida will not be receiving any federal funding. The state will be sold "as is."